Belated Eid, People.

 J-Min, Stand Up 

 I usually accommodate my friends. It's a reflex thing. But during last Eid-ul-Adha, I kinda burst out my gut. 

Amongst us, I'm the most.... traditionally-dressed one. A bit nerdy, if I may say it myself. I'm the only one that doesn't wear a shawl, or any makeup at home or for functions. My face is bare save for moisturizer and compact powder, and maybe thin swipe of lipstick if I feel like it. The last time we had an all-out makeup fest on me was for last year's dinner... and someone did it on me. I'm a complete noob. And I'm very strict with my clothes because I choose things that will pass my mom's requirements, and it's... a lot.

 So the girls were teasing me like usual. About my lack of makeup and lack of updated clothing articles, which at usual times, I can just wave away with an awkward smile. But this time.. I was already a bit vulnerable, lots of insecurities, and I just went to the door like a drama queen, burst out crying begging my friend- should I mention names? Well, this time, let's call her A; for her to let me go past, so that I can go home, and we just kinda had this major crying scene outside the door. I felt so bad for storming out on such a blessed day no thanks to my stupid hormones; it was also that time of the month; but also because A is a really kind soul and I really love her but I cannot deal with people poking fun at my style all the times. And she wasn't even the one poking fun; she was entering the house when I was storming out. All the tears and hugs and snot, and I promised I'd come back again to the house because we're supposed to be taking pictures of Eid, and she let me go home. It's just next building OTL. 

I came back after half an hour with a somewhat normal face to a normal-yet-kinda-awkward situation. We played around with A's stash of makeup, but no one mentioned anything to my face. I try not to tear up under no condition whatsoever. I cooked some chicken for them. I went upstairs because another friend promised me rendang. I didn't stay over to sleep even if the rest did. I never spoke with A properly since then.

 I wonder how I can apologize properly because of everything that happened. She's one of the best person I know ever, and she deserves a huuuge apology. And I hate myself. I made her cry for no good reason. My insecurities are not reason enough for me to make her cry. As usual, my lack of social manners disappoint me and I take it out on people who doesn't deserve it. Another friend demanded I tell her what's wrong... but no way will I admit these things to her face. Maybe one day... because I told her deep things once and she's objective enough to show me where I'm wrong. I love my friends; I really do. But sometimes my moods just steer me wrong. And I don't know how else to compensate, save from cooking for them because that's the only thing I love to do, and to cook for these people means a lot because they don't even eat most of the times. Which is another problem to tackle.

 

Anyway. Moods aside, have one Eid picture of me and the girls (this is post-breakdown, LOL. Hopefully I don't look like it). This is us. No matter what happens, these gals are my lovely circle here in Bangalore and while we all have our own flaws, I wouldn't trade them for any other people.

 Yes, yes, I'm fat. I gained 3kg in 1 month, I think, since coming back. Damn. On a diet again, don't worry. And I chose this picture exactly because Bella is making faces. LOL. Crazy girl.

 And and and! Bond's Skyfall review is in the works. NEED TO SPAZZ. DANIEL CRAIG. UNFFFF. By this weekend I think. It's Diwali next week and that means~~~ holidays~~ ;DD